Music is a Strange Thing, Death a Bitch

(I never post terribly personal things, but I will make an exception here)
I am sitting in my office, I haven't had much sleep in the last 24 hour s or so, but I feel amazingly good nonetheless.
I am about to whisk off to the gym befofre the night-shift. Actually there won't be a night shift tonight I am going out.


I am listening to Roberta Flack's, "I'm the One." It arrived in the mail yesterday and I eventually copied onto my Creative Player today.
I have never heard any of these songs, since my father died. When I last listened to these songs music my father was alive. It's been more than five years, and it's heart-wrenching.
Part of me wants to switch it off, because of the sheer pain of it, but hearing my father sing along to "till the morning comes" ... I can't stop listening. Of course, I blooody teary eyed. I can't even sing along, though I want to, that's all I want to do. As soon as I start to sing, I choke with tears, snort the works.

I have to stop and cry it out properly.


Okay, nose blown too.

Someone might knock at the door wanting something as meaningless as a reference or sticky tape. Fuck them, I am not opening the door.

I have been thinking about this a lot, lately. My father left me things you can't really take away. I mean an inheritance can be wasted and evaporate. Phoosh in no time. But, the best music I listen to is still the music my father educated us into. You kno,he used to literally "force" us to listen certain jazz artist especially. He's make us sit there, while he was playing the record, and with him standing, 'walking" us through the different solos.... motioning with hands. To this day, when I hear, Sketckes of Spain, Miles Davis that memory is etched somewhere in my soul. You can't take away a love for Miles Davis. That shit's priceless.

Now, the tune "In the Name of Love" is on. That was another one my father loved - to hum/sing along. In the end, it bridges and goes:

"I know" (I know)
Baby when you feel ( when you feel)
you can't let go (caaann't let go)
In the name of Love ....

I know (I know)
When you gotta have (when you gotta have)
You can't say no
In the name of Love...

He would strain to take his voice to a higher pitch but, he'd still carry it. Imagining or hearing him do that again so vividly is like music and a million swords to my heart all at once.


"Somethings Never Change
Somethings Sometimes Do"

He'd sing that one too.